I'm changing blog site soon. It will probably be blog spot. I can't seem to use the editing system on blogdrive anymore. Thus, for the messy work on my latest on entry. Anyway it is time for a change. This blog will always remain here as my journal. Special thanks to the readers for the support I've received over the years.

Its been more than a year since I last update. There's a lot of things to type but I should just make it simple for now. I got through my first year in my university with super grades - All distinction ( All A's basically) I have a feeling I can't repeat the same results this year somehow.....But i guess it may just be me, being all-negative as usual. My father suffered lymphoma - a type of cancer on the lymph nodes. It was a torrid time for us a family. Before we discovered it was a cancer, my dad kept on falling "dead" During that spell of not knowing what was he suffering - I revived him twice.....Bringing him back from the dead basically. I didn't know how I did it, but I did it. I kept him alive. He was in the hospital for a very long time. Doctors were amazed by his quick recovery and how he managed to make the leap of death. They revealed that his chances were actually low. But Dad was convinced that "when there is a will, there is always a possibility to succeed" And he did win the battle in the end. At 53 today, he still amazes me and still continues to brighten up my day anytime. Mom was crucial during those times. She singe-handedly ensured Dad didn't fall apart, she was grasping the whole family together. The tighter it got, the closer we as a family became. Conclusively, it was worst holiday in life but it was also the best because we bonded like never before. Everything is a lot better now. Though his monthly chemotherapy is really taking its toll on his health. I pray only for the best. Aside from that, My life has been as usual. I can't complain because it has all been too well for me. I attained a scholarship and I have scored good grades like never before. I haven't met anyone special yet. But I would really love to. The last time it almost happen I wasn't ready for it. But now, I think I've matured and gained another year of experience in my life.. I'm ready for it. Let 2010 be another great year. Finally, this is my new poem "Maple Leafs" Enjoy it. Maple leafs I dream of, Maple leafs, Drifting away, In the wind's rush, Come autumn, The wind's chimes, Call for, You, To say your Farewells, I part ways, With each of you, One by one, Falls, And departs, I bear the chill, Alone, And colder, I feel, At my arms, Rain forms, And cries on me, My entire body, Is dead soak, And wet, I miss you, And your leafs, Shading me, Underneath, Snow treads, On the world, You are never there, I am pilled, With every, Shovel of snow, And in this dream, This winter, Will never end, For, Every snow, Is never ending, As a maple tree, I miss every bit, Of you, As your other half, I can't live, Throughout, This dream, Anymore.

A lot of things will begin to decay pretty soon. Even mum and dad. There's so many things i need to protect, hold and endure.

First priority, is protecting my little sis. Her dreams are mine to protect, her cries are mine to sweep away.

Eventually, i think this act of changing can make me better as a person.

However, this promise must be sworn by heart. I must not fail.

Studying to become rich isn't enough. I must be able to do everything.

I have to be selfless. Sigh~

Anyway, enough of being serious. Here is a poem. It's called Paper plane. Enjoy reading :D

Paper plane

Cast the wind,

To sail,

My,

Paper plane,

Onto,

A heart,

With,

A vast landing,

Area,

 

Bring forth,

Your,

Man-Made wings,

Flutter,

Like a bird,

And,

Find her,

Wave,

As her,

Heart pounds,

In the air,

 

Paper plane,

I will,

Climb unto,

The highest cloud,

 

And drop,

You,

 

May,

Your landing,

Be,

The heart,

For me to land,

 

May,

Your wings,

Follow,

Her,

Breeze,

 

Manoeuvre,

In the sky,

Safely,

 

Tear not,

Those paper skins,

 

For,

My letter,

Within,

Is for,

Her,

Heart’s content

 

Paper plane,

Sail away….

It seems really hard for me to be a figure or someone who kids like my sister or my 2 foot cousins to look up to and refer to. I can't be my dad, he's like the obama in the family who's proven a lot of things to people around him. I'm not reliable, i can't stand for them when they need me. It's pathetic and just shameful.

Studying overseas really helps me get away from it a little. Even though, im still very homesick here. But then again, you can't run away from things like this. It's like everywhere you run, no matter how far you are are or how far you flee away.

This is the part where i say, im forced to dream to be someone in their eyes.

But whatever. Im just gonna let this slip "and let the chips fall where they may" i hope things will turn out to be good somehow.

Anyway, in 2 weeks time i'll be heading home. There's so many things to do. Like eating, football,friends, cats, shopping and more.....eating (i'm dreaming for a mee mamak seriously)

Oh yeah and movies too. Im so outdated, im gonna raid the DVD shops when i get back. And also Driving! i miss my little neo so much, hope its still in one piece like the way i left it.

I'm gonna end it here. Have fun reading this new poem. Its called "Chocolate and Ice"

 

Chocolate and ice

Freeze my hand,

Along,

With yours,

And don't,

Melt me,

While I'm,

Still a,

Chocolate

 

Allow me,

To breathe,

In your,

Shivering,

Air,

Allow,

Me,

To ponder,

On your,

Crystal,

Eyes,

 

Kiss my,

Dark coco,

Lips,

And keep,

It sweet,

And soft,

Till we,

Both melt,

When,

The sun rises,

Above our heads,

 

I'll hug,

You,

Hard,

And break,

You,

Into pieces,

For,

Melting is,

For me,

To suffer,

Not you,

 

Forget,

This day,

And remember,

The night,

When,

You're frozen,

Again,

But……

Forget,

The night,

When I was,

There,

With you,

Because,

Chocolates,

Like me,

Don't come alive,

Again,

Like you.

 

Keep the night,

Cold and icy,

But do not,

Weep for me,

While you're,

Still frozen

 

Chocolate and ice

 

The day i learned how to write poems, was back when i was kid in primary shool. It was hard to say simply "i like you or i hate you" because to me, people just dont know how deep that means until you paint it with your imaginations.

I still can remember very vividly how i first attempted to write one for my dad's birthday. It was Seriously Hard! But i got through it. The first lines was "Push me hard on the swings, and let me fly, like a rocket, above our house" Yeah sounds kiddish, but at least he smiled big on that day.

If you dont get the line, it means, reaching my ambition by his support. The word "Push" means support and the line "and let me fly, like a rocket" means catching a dream/ambition.

Thats how i see it, but people can interpret it differently. Fine by me :D . Anyhow, thats how i paint poems! LOL. And thats how deep i meant in those words.

Yes, and the day i learned how to write one began with dad who inspired me to become someone.

Who gave me the courage to write, study overseas, and act in theatres. Thanks dad for everything. This entry is dedicated to you only!

If it weren't for you, it'd be toothless and can't eat a single meat :P

Here's a fresh poem called "Dad"

Enjoy Reading!

Note: Can you guys link me in your blogs or anywhere? =S I need    feedback! Thanks =D

Dad

Be the tallest,

Tree,

And let me,

Climb,

On you,

To touch,

The dreamy,

Sky,

 

Throw,

Me into,

The Milky Way,

And watch,

Me sail,

In your eyes,

Glittering,

The night,

Like a star,

 

Make me,

Drop,

Asleep,

On the floor,

When,

You hum,

A lullaby,

Under your thick leafs,

 

Shell,

Me within your branches,

And,

Make me,

Forget,

The snow,

Covering you,

Like a blanket,

 

Dad,

Let me sleep,

Under your,

Tree,

And let me,

Behave like,

A wingless,

Star,

And,

Remember,

To drop the apples too,

Thanks,

Dad

For everything,

 

Hello Everyone. I'm back, Finally.

Its been a long time since i last posted a poem/blog. Im sorry, It's been hard on me, my inspiration to write suddenly went empty. On top of that, I've been really suffering from homesickness, but i think i am adapting to this new life in london; except that i have a slight cold/flu right now. But I'll recover soon, as everyone does.

So far, there's nothing much to say over this 8 months of unupdating. Except that, I am still wrapped up in my own world, writing things that don't make sense, and sketching art work that you cant make a head or a tail out of it.

But I think I could say that I've matured a little on certain parts. Like things called having a girlfriend. I've realised that there's no point dwelling in the past, you have to look forward. And march on even if there's no track or direction of where you're heading. Its the past let it be.

Whatever. In the end, Im still single not ready to mingle LOL. Other than that, Hmmm. I have an aching feeling about telling people the truth, because sometimes people deserve better than the truth. Do you follow? Picture this, This girl dreams of acting in a theatre but her audition sucked. Her chances of playing the role picked are small. Thus, crumbling her wish to perform on the stage. What do you tell her? You Suck! Bye Bye LOL.

I have no idea. Just that some people deserve better than the truth. They need to keep dreaming and reach their limit. Because sometimes, not everyone can go through the harsh reality, they need to switch to dream mode to endure  But that's just my opinion.

Anyway, I've been waiting to type this: Here's a new poem! LOL. By me, Its Called "Sad Snowball"

Hope you like it.

Sad snowball

I’m shaping a snowball,

It’s tiny,

Like my heart,

Beating,

Every second,

Echoing in its,

Hollow core,

Soaring one's,

heart, leaking,

blood out.

 

The snowball,

Is crying,

Melting its way,

Out of,

My bare palm,

Wanting to escape,

and descend like,

other snowballs,

from the sky,

 

Its breaking,

I could hear,

The soft cracks,

Like the tear,

in my dream,

leaving me,

asleep,

without dreaming,

 

I shall toss,

You away now,

Sad snowball,

Toss you,

High and,

Across the,

Night sky,

And,

May you fall,

Here again,

Renew and smiling.

Like a snowball

 

Let me reshape,

you once more.

 

I guess it was never really gonna happen. You cant change fairytales. they stay original for years and years to come.

I thought this was it, finally after all these years, but i guess not. I wanted to be in her story. but i guess i was never her main character, or her supporting character. I was pretty much like the fellar in the background. that she forgot to describe in her story telling.

This was the first time in my entire life, that i ever got close to a girl. Definitly, it wasn't a crush this time. I fell for something different this time. And it was quite simply her heart, that brought me sailing her dream.

This was nothing like the first-sight thingy. this was actually a friendship, that i never thought would grow in me immensely.

It all started with that day, when she began to start asking me strange questions, strange topics and the flirt.

it was something that normally couples would do. like sitting on my lap, holding my hand, resting her head on my chest and actually spanking my arse.

Guess what, i didn't realise this until a year and a half had passed by. i am a blur boy.

Its still happening right now. But it is unclear. I will continue soon. Here's a poem called Irrisistible Kiss

My frozen eyes,

Melts to raining,

Tears,

As she touch,

My hands,

 

The cry,

In her eyes,

Soaks my heart,

And leaving it drown,

In her

 

Her lips,

Color,

Turns pink petals,

To,

Sweet cherries,

As she started talking,

 

But I can’t hear,

But feel,

The taste in her lips,

That I,

Want to kiss.

 

Though that melts my eyes,

And soaks my heart,

And tempts me,

I could not reply her,

 

But I do so,

Wish to reply,

To that irresistible

Kiss.

 

 

This school wasn't really messed up in the end. It only had a different culture, which took me sometime to adapt. I have only 3 months to go, and then we would go our separate ways.

Bringing this thought made me wonder whether at the end of these 3 months, would we actually get to see each other ever again?

I'd miss the guys in the boarding house, my housemaster, my drama group, pratically every single moment here.

I've done some amazing stuff here. I found my talent. I didn't really know that i could act well. I found how to become sociable. I'm not so isolated anymore. I found how to become independent. Besides cooking, i know how to handle myself whenever im lost away from home.

It really has made a difference coming here.

Socially, i think at 19 now, i'm quite matured. Prom is just 3 months away, and this may simply be my last one.

At the moment, i'm attempting the impossible. To get a prom date.

I'm aiming at her, the most loved and famous girl in school. i've got a week left till the deadline. this will be suicidal. Literally speaking.

I'll update real soon. Here's a poem i wrote not long ago called When i fly.

 

When I fly

When,

I fly,

That’s when,

I stop,

Running away,

From you,

 

When I,

Dream,

That’s when,

All I do,

Is dream,

Of you,

 

When I,

Seek,

That’s when,

You say,

You’ll,

Find only,

Me.

 

When I,

Kiss you,

That’s when,

We feel,

Only,

Valentine,

 

And when,

I look,

At you,

That’s when,

I,

Only,

Feel,

You,

The most,

 

When still,

You’re just,

About,

Everything.

 

 

 

 

My little community. In other words, my little small group of friends. College is rather isolated from the world. Here, i feel as if i'm in another world, well not completely, but maybe like in another country.

Everyone here is very individual, very awkward and peculiar. My friends regards my college as the perfect place to breed "brats". At some point i do agree, there is some moments that the students here are just simply spoiled and fussy. They are self-contained and often mix with only their "kind". Pratically, they will only talk to me when there's only me within their sight.

It feels very unfair and somehow mistreated. I often question myself for my every action when i talk to them. Its like walking on a long thin string crossing on to another side. I realize, i have never actually felt anything like this before.

How is this possible? what must i do to convince them that i'm just normal? its so complicated. After almost a year here, i think i've accepted my loneliness. But luckly, i had a few new friends that i made, accepted me as their member. Its very small, only about 7 of us. This is my network, this is my only little community.

I obtained tranquility and companionship, however small it is, i think its good enough for me so far.

There's only one thing left for me to do. Smile. my only cure, my only hope, for staying as a complete normal boy. Here's a poem called 'bittersweet'

Bittersweet

Gardens of roses,

On the field,

Of my heart,

Rippled away,

By your soft,

Voice,

 

Petals,

Flying high,

Scattering,

On the clouds,

Of my eyes,

 

I tried rubbing it off,

But,

It only,

Made me see,

More,

Petals in my eyes,

 

I stare,

Into complete blindness,

But ,

I could still,

Hear,

Your soft voice,

soothing,

the petals on my eyes,

 

 

Although,

this bittersweet

 

my heart wont cry,

neither,

the throbbing,

that,

beats before you,

 

if you should shed a tear,

i’ll shed mine,

and both we shiver,

in utter darkness,

 

in this bittersweet,

field,

of ours,

rippling away.

 

Hey, i'm back ! just for now though......Anywayz, sorry i've been sort of busy. Exams and family issues and the XXXX's. But i'm doing well now. Raya's here and everyone is simply happy and energetic.

There isn't much to say, and life seems normal. well balanced.

Hmmm......okay whatever. here's a poem "Puisi Buat seorang Gadis" enjoy it. took me sometime to write it.

Puisi Buat Seorang Gadis.

Di sebalik renungan matamu yang jernih,

Di helai juntaian rambutmu yang lebat,

Kulihat sebuah kasih terapung di laut murni,

Kurasa kelembutan belaian jejarimu,

Bak sutera kandy membalut tubuhmu,

Bak mawar nuwara emily menghias, sanggulmu.

 

Dukakah aku menanggung rasa,

Atau dosakah ku mengingatimu,

Bulan yang penuh bercahaya,

Bak menerangi malam gelita seluruhnya,

Atau pertemuan ini adalah satu kelangsungan,

Insan yang menanti,

Air doa,

Dan kasih mesra.

 

Lalu sama-sama kita harungi malam ini,

Biarpun siangnya terik mengejar,

Dewasalah kita dalam rasa taat setia,

Perjanjian dan kalungan bunga,

Terdandan di pinggir kolam damai.

 

Masih juakah kau berduka,

Dan air mata itu masih mengalir jua,

Betapa tasik jiwamu bergelodak,

Mengharu seluruh bahagia,

Atau biarkan sahaja kukesati air mata gugur itu,

Supaya derainya menyejuk kita.